


Not the Man I Fell in Love With

by ElizaSam



Series: A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Angst Go Down (Malec) [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Apparently I like breaking my own heart for these two, Background Camille Belcourt, Break Up Talk, Drabble, Drunk Magnus Bane, Hurt Alec Lightwood, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25265953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaSam/pseuds/ElizaSam
Summary: Alec could hear the chill in his voice, the distinct lack of warmth that earlier in the day would have been unimaginable. The press of Magnus’s lips against his knuckles brought no joy, no love. Even as he felt damp tears running over his skin, Magnus’s touch was foreign. He no longer knew the man in front of him.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Angst Go Down (Malec) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835383
Comments: 17
Kudos: 116





	Not the Man I Fell in Love With

“Alexander, please. Talk to me.”

Alec was frozen, staring at the same spot on the wall as he had been since Magnus admitted to making out with Camille. All he could imagine was Magnus holding her, caressing her, kissing her. 

“Alexander, please.”

“I- I don’t know what you want me to say.” he croaked. 

“Yell at me. Hit me. I don’t care. Just- just don’t cut me out.” 

Alec swallowed loudly. “You did that yourself when you kissed her.” He couldn’t even say her name. “You chose her.” 

“No, no Alexander. I choose you. Every day, I choose you.” Magnus kneeled between Alec’s knees, grabbing his clasped hands and pressing kisses over them. “I was drunk, Alexander. So drunk, and I know that’s not an excuse but-”

“You’re right. It’s not an excuse.” Alec could hear the chill in his voice, the distinct lack of warmth that earlier in the day would have been unimaginable. The press of Magnus’s lips against his knuckles brought no joy, no love. Even as he felt damp tears running over his skin, Magnus’s touch was foreign. 

He no longer knew the man in front of him.

“She means nothing to me, Alexander. I was drunk and upset about work and-”

“Then why didn’t you come home? Why not come home to me?” 

“I- I didn’t want to spoil our night, your day. You’d had such a good day with the promotion, and I wanted us to be able to celebrate it, to celebrate you. I was just going to have one drink at the bar and then come home-”

Alec felt tears begin to prickle at his eyes. He needed to end this before he broke down. “That’s not good enough-”

“I know it’s not, Alexander, and-”

“No, it’s my turn to talk now.” Taking a deep breath, Alec steeled himself. “You’re not my Mag- my Mag- damn it.” He blinked back another tear. “You’re not my Magnus anymore. This isn’t the man I fell in love with. And I can’t-”

“No, no, no,” Magnus whispered, burying his head in Alec’s lap. “Please, Alexander. Don’t do this.” 

Alec could feel the older man trembling, and he ached to wrap his arms around him in comfort. To wrap Magnus up and kiss his cheeks and promise that everything would be okay in the morning. But he couldn’t. 

Everything was different. The Magnus he loved would never cheat. The Magnus he loved would never seek out the bar instead of coming home, never find comfort in another person’s arms. They had long come to accept one another for all their faults and their flaws, and they’d promised to work through things together. But now, Magnus had decided that Alec was no longer a part of that. 

Tears soaked through the fabric of Alec’s jeans, and their chill slowly seeped into his skin. He could feel his walls being rebuilt, the bars on his heart being replaced stronger and more secure in an attempt to hide the heartbreak occurring. He was closing down again, reverting from the Alexander who believed in love back to Alec who hid himself from the world.

“I think I should go.” 

“No no no,” Magnus stuttered, wrapping his arms around Alec’s waist. He held on tight, almost painfully, but Alec couldn’t feel anything. “I love you. I love you so much, and we can work this out and I’ll never talk to her again and we’ll move past this like we have in the past. Please, Alexander.” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Wh- What?” Magnus whispered, the heartbreak plain in his voice. 

“My name is Alec; not Alexander, not love, not darling. You don’t get to call me that anymore.” His words tore a sob from Magnus’s lips, and it took everything in him not to comfort the man in his lap. He couldn’t bring himself to look into the eyes of his former love, to see the shimmering tears and heartbreak. He knew he would cave otherwise. Instead, he fixated on the curve of Magnus’s ear where an ear cuff would normally sit. “I need to go.” Putting a bit of muscle in, he stood up. 

Magnus scrambled to his feet, running to grab Alec’s hand and pull it to his chest. “Stay with me, Alexa- Alec. We can work this out-”

“We can’t!” Alec cried, finally meeting Magnus’s eyes. “Don’t you get it? You cheated on me. You. Cheated. On. Me. And I can’t-” A sob broke through, and Alec scrubbed at his eyes furiously. However, his tears continued to fall. “You said you loved me, and I thought that meant that we understood each other, that we knew each other. But I guess we didn’t.” 

“We do-”

Alec laughed bitterly, removing his hand from Magnus’s grasp. “The man I loved would never do what you have done. He’d know that when I gave him my first date, my first kiss, my first time it meant something. He’d understand that I’d rather us break up than be cheated on. My Magnus would know that I can’t love without trust and respect.” He looked up, teary eyes slowly hardening. “And you’re no longer that man.” 

Opening the apartment door, Alec took one last look at the man standing in the remnants of their home. He was frozen, kneeled over as if in physical pain, and his hands were pressed to his heart as if trying to keep it from crumbling. His makeup was destroyed, and the sobs wracking his body shook each time. But still, his gaze remained on Alec as he walked away as if trying to hold onto the last shred of him that he could. 

Alec took in one last look of Magnus Bane, of the man he’d openly and freely given his heart to, and who had in turn smashed it underneath the heel of his boot. 

And then he shut the door.

Alec walked one, two, three steps down the hall before he crumpled to the floor.


End file.
